Six Word Saturday (3/12/11)

A bunch of little things today

My husband has gone to his mechanic friend's garage every Friday night for a few hours since I've known him, but last night was one of the rare occasions where his friend couldn't do it so my husband "had" to stay home (oh, the torture, huh, spending time with us instead!).  He and my daughter like watching Cupcake Wars on the Food network so they decided to make a few cupcakes.  Here's me with the one she made for me: 

My husband has been intensely worried about money and it feels ridiculous because it's not like we're behind on bills, etc.  He has a good job.  My work dwindles down to almost nothing from the end of October to the end of March, so I feel guilty spending ANY money already, and then he starts fretting about other money things that I can't even help with.  I've been having my bible study group pray for either more work for me or even a part-time job in a different industry altogether.  Last night he told me that the community college where he teaches part-time on top of his regular job is scheduling him to teach TWO classes this fall!  So that is an amazing answer to prayer.

And the last little thing .. my oldest son and college don't mix very well.  He failed a couple classes last semester and he just isn't happy having to study.  He is more athletic and likes to DO things and not read things.  He was trying to get a four-year degree so he could enter the Marines as an officer, but he's not going to make it through college.  After talking to some friends who are already enlisted, he decided to enlist in the Air Force.  (The people I've talked to actually told me that the Air Force is kind of hard to get into because you have to pass tests and stuff, so I'm happily surprised my son was able to enlist!)  He told me earlier this week that he heard from the Air Force as far as his ship out date for basic training.  April 13th.  I was kind of hoping it would be this summer so I'm a little bit shocked.  But I am SO HAPPY he's going to be doing something he loves.

Six Word Saturday (2/26/11)

Only wearing six things this month

There's an internet challenge called Six Items Or Less that you can join and try doing.  Basically you wear the same six items of clothing for a month (not including underwear, PJs, coats, workout clothes, shoes, accessories).  I still have two days to go but this challenge was pretty easy for me.  I did the challenge informally and didn't actually sign up on the website.

The six items I chose for the challenge:

1. Black dressy pants - I figured I could wear these to church every week (since I do anyway!!) and wear them if my jeans in #2 are in the washer).
2. Bobbie Brooks blue jeans from Family Dollar - I looooove these jeans, they fit me perfect.
3. Maroon short-sleeve sweater my sister gave me a few years ago - thought I could get away with it because February's supposed to be cold.
4. White t-shirt with a mouse machine-embroidered on the pocket - my mother-in-law "made" this for me with her $6,000 embroidery machine and can make stuff in minutes that would take me a month to stitch by hand.  (I picked this shirt so it would wear out quickly and I'd "have to" throw it away.)
5. Pink t-shirt my sister gave me a few years ago - my husband used to love this shirt on me and would be really affectionate, haha, not so much anymore though, but it still makes me feel good wearing it.
6. Purple Third Day "Cry Out to Jesus" t-shirt - it's shrinking from the washing. *frown*

You'd think people would make fun of me or comment that they see me in the same clothes all the time, right?  Guess what, nobody said anything, not even my family who sees me every single day.  I'm not much of a "clothes person" anyway and I hate shopping.  Even before this challenge I had one pair of tennis shoes and one pair of black flats for special occasions and that's it.  I do love earrings though.

Tomorrow I'm wearing the maroon short-sleeve sweater and black pants to church, and Monday I'm wearing that mouse shirt one more time, and then the challenge and month is over.  

I kept a little journal of what I wore every day and any thoughts I had.  I only made three comments:

Last Saturday (the 19th) I wore the maroon short-sleeve sweater for just a little bit because the weather was warm, so by lunch I had changed for the rest of the day into the old Def Leppard t-shirt I've been wearing for a pajama top.  

Then on the 21st I was wearing the Cry Out To Jesus t-shirt and jeans when I went to my dentist appointment, and I ended up zipping my jacket all the way up so the dentist couldn't see my shirt because last time I went I had a "Jesus Loves Me" bracelet on that my daughter gave me and I was crying from nervousness and the dentist tapped on the bracelet and told me I should trust that Jesus could help me.  I didn't like being "lectured" by someone who has a "partner," if you know what I mean.  So I didn't want her to see my shirt Monday and then I find out only the hygienist was there for my cleaning.

Yesterday the 25th I was depressed and didn't leave the house so I wore my Def Leppard "pajamas" all day.

This was a fun challenge but I'm excited to get rid of that mouse shirt and to also start wearing different clothes!  I think I do have a lot of clothes that I don't even wear, but I think 10 outfits wouldn't be too extreme.  And if you want a new outfit, get rid of an old outfit so you always have 10.

Six Word Saturday (2/19/11)

Taking the bad with the good

I kind of feel  myself falling into a depression so I see more bad than good lately.

I guess I won't go into the bad because there's nothing anyone can do (not even my counselor - and I get mad at him for not helping me and then I backpedal so fast because I don't want him to hate me for being mad at him, gahhh).

The good ... yesterday I went to teacher conferences at my two youngest kids' school.  My son's handwriting has improved IMMENSELY.  I was astonished!  His teacher had a few other nice things about him to report, and it felt really good to hear.  Then my daughter's conference was interesting because the teacher lets each student tell their parent what's going on in class, using PowerPoint presentations (my daughter's only in 5th grade).  My daughter's teacher said she really caught on to use this computer program, and my daughter even added music and pictures to her slide show.  I was so impressed.  Well, considering I hardly ever see either of them do homework or crack a book to read, their grades were surprisingly good.

I feel really happy but at the same time another part of me is already trying to dissuade me.  I guess I'll always worry that they could be doing better or worry that other parents talk bad about my kids or me behind my back.  I don't know.

I just realized I've been putting "2010" on my 6WS posts so far this year, oops. How come y'all didn't say anything?!?!

And now another good thing!  Incourage.me had a giveaway sign-up for Valentine's Day, giving away 50 copies of the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and you had to sign up in the comments.  Yesterday I got an email from them that I was one of the fifty (out of 500+ sign-ups)!!!!!!!!  So I sent them my address and can't wait to read that book.  I also am getting a book from another blog -- a pastor in Tupelo (Ray Pritchard) was giving away copies of his book Anchor for the Soul.  His ministry (Keep Believing) gives away loads of those books to prisons and people all over the world.  I'm friends with him on Facebook and he's really cool!

Six Word Saturday (2/12/10)

I Am Sick Of Being Sick

When we got home from Santa Fe a couple days after Christmas, I had developed a problem with my right ear.  For two whole weeks I couldn't hear out of it at all.  Then all of a sudden one day it started to hurt SO BAD.  I mean, it felt like someone stabbed me in the ear and left the knife in.  It hurt continuously for hours no matter what I did for it, so I broke down and made a doctor's appointment for late that afternoon.  That, of course, caused me to panic because I'm really afraid of doctors.  My grandma (on my mother's side) used to be so scared of doctors that she wouldn't go even when she was gravely ill and ended up dying from a simple ulcer.  The day I went, though, God was with me because every single person I came in contact with - from the person who held the main door open for me to the actual doctor I saw - all expressed concern that I didn't look very well.  They all acted almost startled when they saw me and quickly asked if I was okay.  It sure helped my nerves hearing them be caring rather than everyone wanting to hurt me.  As if I weren't in enough pain, the doctor thought I should get my ear irrigated (and I hate having that done even when my ear DOESN'T hurt) but they put some kind of topical medicine in my ear that numbed the pain instantly as soon as they put it in.  It was heaven.  After my appointment I had to take medicine for a couple weeks, and then I was fine....

... for about five days.  Then I caught some weird cold thing from my husband.  He had been coughing for a week, and at first I thought he caught the thing I had just gotten over but his ears don't hurt.  And my husband won't go to the doctor (and doesn't want me to go to the doctor again) and wants us to just ride it out because he thinks we just have colds from the snowy weather last week.  But last night I couldn't get to sleep because my husband snores SO LOUD when he's sick, and he was congested and I could hear it in the back of his throat as he breathed and it was pretty gross.  He's buying a new "project car" today - the lady decided to take his offer after all, so I know he thinks he has to be tight with money to catch up to where we were in savings.  If anything starts hurting in my body though, I don't care how much he yells at me, I will go to the doctor.

Six Word Saturday (2/5/10)

I am quitting the Sims today

For most people this probably seems really trivial but I made a decision to quit playing the Sims, at least for a good while.  I had thought about just taking the game disc out of my computer and giving it to someone to hold for me so I wouldn't be tempted to play (but that would be embarrassing for me "can you hold this, I'm addicted to this") or putting a big scratch in it so it would NEVER be playable, but my husband would be hurt that I ruined a game he bought me plus I'm hoping someday when I get my life under control that I would be able to play again.  I'm kind of sad.

The reasons I liked playing:

1. I felt happy when my Sim would reach his lifetime "want" (like becoming a World Class Ballet Dancer or a Chief of Staff at a hospital, or even having six grandchildren).
   
2. I could name my Sim's baby girl "Claudia" and raise her vicariously through this Sim because I never got to raise my own.  I have dozens of Claudia's in different age stages in 14 towns on my Sims 2 game.
   
3. I could use a cheat code and kill off the Sims I didn't like or a Sim named after someone in real life just so I could kill them.  (It felt oddly satisfying, LOL.)
   
4. When I commanded a Sim child to do X, it did X!  Unlike my real life family.
   
5. When there was an attractive Sim out there, my Sim could get in a relationship with them - whereas in real life lately I haven't felt very happy in my relationship.

The reasons I'm quitting:

1. It is a big huge freaking time waster to play this game!
   
2. It's actually feeling very stressful and overwhelming - I have so many families in these towns, even with a list to keep track of them, I'll never get through them all because I get bored with them and make even more new people.
   
3. Nobody in real life is interested in the stories I have of my game play but they ARE interested in hearing about a book I read, a recipe I try, or a project I'm working on.
   
4. If I'm playing on the computer I'm not helping my family, and I decided I can't complain that my kids and husband don't need me or listen to me when I'm not there to be needed or listened to.
   
5. This house is too big to keep clean if I'm only going to work on it a little bit every day.  I would have more time to be meticulous if I didn't play Sims.  Even though my husband and kids say they don't care what the house looks like, I do, and I think deep down they would be pleased if everything was clean.
   
6. If I have to be on the computer, I want it to be mostly for work.  I'm praying my employer gets more work for me to do (it's slow from Oct-March).

So far this morning I have the population of 5 Sim towns deleted, so I have 9 to go.  I was actually thinking of a specific "quit date."  Like I could've quit on Claudia's day January 15, or maybe even a New Year's resolution thing, or tomorrow's President Reagan's birthday, but last night I was just so down on myself with anxiety about when to quit that I just decided, you know what, TOMORROW is it, February 5 is the day.  Nothing special about it.

Claudia

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."  John 13:7

Twenty-six years ago today I made the biggest mistake of my life.  I like this verse that Caroline had on her blog after her m/c.  Except 26 years later I still don't get it but because of this verse I can be hopeful that someday I will.  Matthew West's pretty song All The Broken Pieces also bugs me for the same reason.

For a long time I wished I could go back in a time machine and do that day over and make a different choice.  Just recently I have realized that even if I did go back to 1985 I would be the same stupid pushover girl I was when I was 17.  I mean, I still do stuff EVEN NOW that I don't WANT to do so that people don't get mad at me.  But this realization finally mutes the string of "if-onlys" that I constantly had in my head.

The only things I have planned for today is the monthly meeting with the Rachel's Vineyard people (yeah, January's meeting falls on Claudia's day) and then tonight my husband's taking us out to eat, and even though he doesn't really know that today is THE day (although he does know I had an abortion in my past), in my heart I can say this is a special dinner to remember Claudia with.  Editing to add:  This is awesome, the sweet person from the Wishing Tree website sent the photo of Claudia's name a few minutes ago.  I sent a request in after I saw Jordan and Carleigh's.  You can see Claudia's here.

I've completed a big project to commemorate Claudia's day!  I'm sure it won't mean much to anyone else but since I'm interested in music (specifically 80's music), I typed a huge list!  My husband had gotten an inter-library loan of the book Billboard's Hot 100 Charts - The Eighties (top 100 list for every week from 1/1/80 to 12/31/89).  And for the past 12 weeks (October 26 to today, Claudia's lifespan) I've typed each week's 100 songs.  I think it's kind of cool.  Remember that goofy song by Wham, Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go?  At the beginning of her life, it was #6 on the charts and by the end it had dropped to #55.  I mention that song specifically because it's ironic they're dancing around in CHOOSE LIFE t-shirts.  (Another funny thing, in 1984 when the video came out, people were actually debating whether George Michael was gay or not.)

I love you, Claudia!

New year

At the end of my appointment today, my counselor said next week we could talk about the 15th (Claudia's day) if I wanted to.  It made me feel really good that he remembered.  I will find out if he thinks I should go to that Rachel's Vineyard meeting.  I also might do a remembrance thing with him for Claudia at my next appointment on the 12th.  I'm kind of wondering if this should be the last time (concentrating on her).  I'm not just missing her on January 15, I miss her other times too and sometimes even want to go to heaven so I can see her (when I'm really depressed).  I get stuck in this grief though, and in the meantime I don't notice people still living who are caring about me.

For my "New Year's Resolution," I'm doing another reading plan on Blue Letter Bible.  I did it successfully once before in 2008.