I just want to comment that this chapter was pretty depressing. I know the book is about losses, but I guess it’s like watching Titanic: you already know how it ends but you’re still surprised when the guy yells, “Iceberg!” You know? Anyway, reading about Josiah being whisked away and the attempts to save his little body just really hurt my heart. It really bothers me observing others in pain.
Never experienced labor – I had 3 c-sections. Both of my sons were born under general anesthesia but I did get to be awake for my daughter’s.
Do you know of anyone whose lives have been impacted by CDH (or has your own)?
No, I don’t know anyone and I haven’t myself either.
How do these words spoken by Kyle make you feel?
Conflicted. I still feel guilty over mistakes I’ve made in my past, and I suffer from anxiety about making mistakes in the future. I don’t understand why God would “bring” and “plan” all the problems I’ve had in the past (because those were choices I made) or why I would deserve God wanting to “protect” me during them (because, again, those were choices I made). A few weeks ago I read a short column on Christianity.com called "God's Sovereignty and Your Mistakes" which was so helpful to me. It does make sense. If God can “allow” people to do crummy things to me, why would he not “allow” me to do crummy things to someone else (or even to myself)? What if he knew in advance all the bad mistakes I make and actually WANTED me to make them?
Before August 2007 I would say alcohol, one-night stands, smoking, listening to loud angry music, and playing multi-player online games. When I started counseling that month, I learned healthier and more stable ways to find comfort: praying, reaching out for help from safe others, meditating on verses or with music or with pictures of Jesus or nature.
What would you say (if God asked for permission)?
Wow, nowadays I think my faith is a lot stronger and I would say bring it on, knowing that God would be with me always! But even a year ago I think I would be angry and protesting, even panicking, if I knew in advance what God was wanting permission for things to happen. Looking back on my life, it just seems so complicated and conflicting knowing what to feel about it. I didn’t get asked about suffering those things. I feel guilty about it because I think I would have handled things a lot better if I had KNOWN God was really with me. Back then, I wouldn’t have given permission and, in fact, I would be exactly like the rest of the world, saying, “How could a loving God allow this?”
I think that God has a plan for our lives but He also gives us free will to make choices. These choices can either keep us on His path or allow us to wander off of it. When we wander off His plan for us changes a little to accommodate the choice. Just like Carleigh. I believe it was God's plan for us to have her. Our choices were to terminate the pregnancy or carry her to term. I feel we made the choice that was part of God's plan. God still could've worked in us using the other path but I don't feel it would've been as effective. Same goes for Jordan and my abortion. First, we made a choice that wasn't part of God's plan by having premarital sex. The consequence was pregnancy. God's plan changed for us with this pregnancy and we made a choice to have an abortion. Definitely NOT God's plan, but you know what, He used my poor choices and was able to make some good out of it, like me being able to save a baby's life and sharing my testimony with so many.
ReplyDeleteThat's just my take. :)
It is wonderful to see that there is a change that was made in your life, since pre Aug 2007. It sounds as though you have come along way.
ReplyDeleteI think that God's plan for us has to be access at the end product. The trials and heartache that we face in this life, are in preparation for gifts that we holds for us in the end. Our faith grows in perserverence.
I am on the same road as you. Probably as early as 8 months ago I would have turned to drinking and anfry music. I also would have probably protested anything God asked me to do.
ReplyDelete