Six Word Saturday (6/29/13)

Repairing, Eating, Ordering, Worrying and Planning

Repairing:  *sensitive* At therapy Wednesday I mentioned I finally heard from somebody (who went to that Bible study I got kicked out of in November).  She answered my questions about what her wedding was like (because I didn't get to go - long story but it's the reason I got mad and subsequently kicked out of the group).  She is more of a GIRL than a woman, she's only 20 years old, but everyone thinks she's so wise and it about makes me want to puke.  Anyway, I told my therapist she sent some pics and didn't mention wanting to be friends with me or anything, just ended the email.  So I told him when people treat me horrible like that, I want to hurt them, like blow their house up or damage their car, etc.  And he kept saying "And then what?"  I want them to cry and start screaming that they're sorry (since they'll realize that they hurt me as much as I'm hurting them).  "And then what?"  Then I'll tell them now it's okay because they understand how I feel.  So my therapist claims those fantasies are an attempt on my part to try to repair my relationships.  Unfortunately for me, I can't just calmly tell someone that they hurt me (and try to repair like a normal person) because 99% of the people I know WOULDN'T CARE THAT THEY HURT ME!!!

Eating:  I took my daughter to Bite of Belgium again Thursday and we had the same thing:  waffles with bavarian cream, raisins, bananas and chocolate syrup.  Oh Mylanta, it was so good.  We'll have to go back sometime with my husband so he can have some.

Ordering:  My husband has been hoping the 9th season of Night Court would be released on DVD for months.  Amazon sent me a notice a couple weeks ago that it was being released!  Either my husband's really good at playing dumb or he doesn't know about it!  So I ordered it with a book I wanted so he won't suspect anything!  It should be delivered today!  He's going to freak if he really didn't know!

Worrying:  We're going on vacation Tuesday to Mt. Rushmore for a family reunion/birthday for my husband's grandmother.  I'm bringing this up in therapy Monday because I'm worrying.  What do I do if my husband badmouths my oldest son (who won't be there)?  What do I do if anyone complains or makes fun of my youngest son?  What do I do if my bossy mother-in-law wants me to do/eat/go somewhere I don't want to?  What do I do if my husband makes fun of me in front of everybody?  Hopefully, my therapist will give me some advice.

Planning:  Like I said, we're going on vacation and I actually am looking forward to the road trip part of it.  We're thinking of stopping overnight in Cheyenne, WY, on the way up.  There's a botanical garden there that I wouldn't mind seeing but it's okay if I don't get to.  In South Dakota, not only is Mt. Rushmore there (and we went 10 years ago so the kids were too little to remember), there is also a place called Old McDonald's Farm that's a big petting zoo and I can't wait to go there again.  Last time I got to hold a baby turkey.  I think my husband will try to find a water park (even though the hotel has a pool) because the kids love that.  The non-reunion part of the vacation is going to be a lot of fun.

Six Word Saturday (6/22/13)

Four Restaurants and Ice Age 3

Since it was Father's Day weekend last weekend, I wanted to replicate the same celebrating we had for Mother's Day (going out to eat a lot).  So Saturday morning we went to Pancake Alley (a 50's style diner) for a late breakfast, minus our youngest son who wanted to stay home and sleep in (which he did for Mother's Day too).  For dinner me and my daughter snuck out and picked up Sonic (even though they messed up our order).  Sunday morning, for the 13th year in a row, we had McMuffins for breakfast.  So that's three restaurants that weekend.

Just my daughter and the neighbor kid went to the "free" movie with me Tuesday.  It was Ice Age 3: Continental Drift.  There were a couple funny parts but for the most part it was boring.  There were two boys sitting behind us who talked through almost the entire movie.  We kept turning around to look at them like "really?" because they kept saying what was going to happen next.

On Thursday I took my daughter to a new place called Bite of Belgium.  It's using the building that Lorenzo's used to be in.  We went for lunch but as you can probably tell from the restaurant name, we want to go back sometime for a breakfast of waffles.

Six Word Saturday (6/15/13)

Walking more, Madagascar 3 and Swimming

This past week I started walking for exercise again.  I sing a cadence in my head that I heard at my son's Air Force graduation.  I have worked up to singing it 45 times during my walk and then I turn around and walk home.  That's about 18 minutes worth.  I know it's not a very long walk so far but it's really hot here, and no matter how early I walk, I'm drenched in sweat when I get home.

Tuesday I took the kids and a friend of theirs to a "free movie" at the theater, Madagascar 3.  Both of our families have the DVD but it's more fun watching it on a big screen.  I say "free" in quotes because the snacks and drinks from the concession stand cost me almost $20.  The city has the road torn up (literally, all the way down to dirt) so it was kind of harrowing trying to get there.  The next time we go I'm having us leave earlier.

As for swimming, over the past six years that we've lived here, either we or our neighbors (or both of us) had a cheap pool to swim in but it got expensive with the chemicals you had to add and changing the water, etc., so now neither of us have pools and my neighbors are nice enough to let my kids go swimming with their kid at their grandma's duplex.  Plus also both families got the kids season passes to Wet N Wild in Anthony, N.M.  Since we can't take turns taking them (I don't drive on the highway and my husband works), we're giving them gas money every other week.  My neighbor told me they will be going there once a week or so.

Six Word Saturday (6/8/13)

What a Boring Week Looks Like

On Saturday we went to La Posta (Mexican restaurant) to finally celebrate our anniversary since I was feeling better.  Both kids went with us.  As we were leaving the restaurant, in walks the leader of a Bible study I used to go to (but basically got kicked out of).  She was with some friends and looked genuinely surprised (happy?) to see me.  She said hi and hugged me and said it was good to see me.  And I think I said thanks and walked out the door.  I've been in a small rage ever since though.  She hadn't spoken to me for seven months at that point!  Why say hi?  Now it hurts all over again that she and her group don't like me.

Northpoint Online (Andy Stanley's church in Atlanta) started a new series called My Bad Church Experience.  I like Andy's preaching style except he has a habit of making a point by pausing before the last two words ... he says.  He said that Paul from the Bible would be appalled that we've made him a saint because he knew he was a horrible person (killing/jailing/persecuting Christians).  He was so bad, Jesus had to show up!  :)  So Andy's bottom line was - no matter how "bad" you think you are, you can go to church, because if there's hope for Paul, there's hope for us all.

At counseling Wednesday we talked about me bumping into the Bible study leader at the restaurant.  I felt like I was making a big deal out of nothing just because she surprised me and because they've given me the silent treatment for so long, like I should be used to it by now and not hurt.  My therapist helped me see how "making a big deal out of nothing" wasn't something God would say to me if I went to him with this.  He would be concerned and want to reassure me that he still loves me.

We went to Taco Bell on Thursday.  We got a 12-pack of tacos and ate half of them for lunch and then the other half for dinner.  My daughter and I also went to a big thrift store and bought her a few tops and a pair of jeans.

And yesterday I did some housework, finally.  The kids sleep till after noon so I had a lot of time to myself.

Six Word Saturday (6/1/13)

So I End Up Having Bronchitis

Even though I was scared, I decided to call the doctor's Tuesday and see if I could get an appointment.  I waited till 10 a.m. so that all the sick people from Memorial Day weekend would gobble up the appointment slots before I called.  They said there was an appointment available at 11!  Drat!  No time to worry about anything - just get in the shower, bribe my daughter with Burger King afterwards if she could go with me, and go!  When we got to the office, the waiting room was packed with people.  I signed in, coughing my head off, and then we sat down.  My daughter said she would run out to the car and get a water bottle to fill up at the drinking fountain for me.  She stood up and just then a nurse walked into the middle of the room and yelled, "Richard and Debbie!"  We asked for the last name and it was mine!  So I didn't even have time to be nervous in the waiting room!  I got weighed and my blood pressure checked and then oxygen level (which was very low - 90).  The nurse put us in an exam room.  I asked my daughter what time it was and she pulled out her phone and right then the doctor walked in the room.  After listening to my lungs, he said he didn't hear any pneumonia (I was worried about that) but that I definitely had bronchitis.  He called in a prescription for me and said that my oxygen level would improve when I felt better.  So now I've been on Azithromycin for four days, and I'd say after the first day the congestion in my chest went way down.  I'm still coughing but I'm not having long fits of it.  I'm not doing much better on the housework but I did manage to read a book (see below).

In counseling we discussed how urgent and dire I felt the need was to make sure everyone knew I loved them (when I was at the worst of my sickness and thought I was going to die).  I think people/doctors did me a horrible disservice when I was little by insinuating I wasn't going to live very long because every time I'm even the slightest bit sick, I think IS THIS THE END?  It makes me panic.  At any rate, I mentioned a few friends who have died who I didn't get to say goodbye the way I would've liked (and my counselor pointed out Claudia as well), so he thinks it's perfectly understandable why I would feel so desperate about making sure people knew I loved them if I thought I was dying.  When I told him my experience at the doctor's office the day before, my counselor (who has an ailing wife) was surprised at how quickly everything happened, as if an answer to prayers and God was helping me.  He was completely amazed at how short of wait time I had in the waiting room and exam room, and he mused, "That just doesn't happen."  Thank you, God!

Joni and Ken:  An Untold Love Story

This book was a fast read.  Joni Eareckson Tada is a quadriplegic due to a diving accident in 1967 and she married Ken Tada in the early '80s.  This book told third-person vignettes about their married life together and I just thought it came across as so sweet.  Joni has had some health issues (chronic pain and also cancer) on top of her quadriplegia, yet Ken is still faithfully by her side.  They both lean on Jesus an awful lot, and I must say I'm jealous for them because I wish I had a marriage like that.