Six Word Saturday (9/21/13)

 Emotions Are All Over The Place

My new job is actually pretty hard.  There are a lot of medical terms and drug names that I keep having to look up the spellings for, and it slows me down.  Also the audio isn't the best (recordings of doctors' appointments) and some accents are really difficult to understand.  I feel kind of discouraged.  I had visions of saving up all this money and actually contributing to the family by paying off some bills or paying for a vacation, but I'm not really sure $5 a document (average) is worth the stress and aggravation and dings on my self-worth for being so slow.  And, of course, now I feel guilty because it's like I let God down if something happens to this job or I quit. My husband, for some oddball reason (I'm thinking alien abduction) actually told me I didn't need this job OR the other job and that I didn't need to work at all.  He thought I just wanted to work as something to do.

I didn't get done working till 3 a.m. on Friday and then I went to bed.  I got up leisurely around 9:00 and was in the middle of making some toast and getting ready to read a book while I ate breakfast when the doorbell rang.  I thought it was going to be the neighbor kid so I took my sweet old time answering the door, still in PJ's and messy hair, and ... it was my oldest son!  Oh my gosh, I was so happy!  I felt a little ashamed that the house was such a mess but he knows that's how we live so it wasn't too bad.  The coolest part was that my younger two kids didn't have school that day due to parent-teacher conferences so they got to see him too!  He goes to Italy on the 1st.  He and his wife are supposed to have dinner with me and the kids some night before he takes off.  And he didn't sign on for two years; they're going to be there for four.  I don't want it to sink in because this huge cloud of depression is just going to kill me.

My father's having another minor heart procedure (pacemaker) on the 8th.  I know this is awful to say but I worry about him dying during it for the sole reason he'll get to see Claudia in heaven before I get to.  I've repeatedly told my parents I don't want to outlive them but I don't think they know the actual reason why.

Due to my new job being so time consuming and tiring, I haven't finished reading "Unglued."  I'm about two thirds done and think it's surprisingly good.  Maybe next weekend I can give a report.