I woke up at 3:30 a.m. yesterday with an earache. I put a hot pack on it and took some Advil. Within two hours I was fine. My husband (who knows everything, you know) told me when he got up that I should go to the doctor. By then I was fine though so I said no. [Warning: The rest of this is morbid. I think my mind is in overdrive because my counselor is out next week and I don't have anyone to talk to.] So to try to force me to go, my husband decides to scare me by asking me before he left for work, "What do you want done with your body if you 'kick it'?" At first I was mad because it didn't sound like he was concerned, just controlling, so I played along to call his bluff and told him I wanted my body donated to science, and he (trying to call my bluff) told me to get him more information about it. So I looked up the University of New Mexico's policy on cadaver donation, etc., and basically they just want the skeleton. Well, my skeleton would be cool for them because my spine, left arm and right leg have deformities that never got surgically corrected. So I told my husband he'd just have to ship me there. Although I agree with my husband that the last time I "didn't want to go to the doctor," I waited too long and ended up having emergency major surgery. But this was just an earache.
So here's the thing, now I keep thinking about dying. I wonder who would really miss me if I didn't exist. I know most of my family has been waiting for years for me to not exist, doctors too! I would even go so far as to say those people would be happy when I stop existing. My family (and doctors) were happy when Claudia didn't exist anymore.
I'm going through my Friends list on Facebook. I have 64 "friends":
- 28 of them I have never met in my life (met through previous email groups, SuperPoke Pets or Mafia Wars)
- 9 are people in my husband's family (who I rarely see or talk to)
- 2 are my family (my daughter and my sister)
- 20 are people I knew back in Illinois (who I haven't seen or talked to since at least 1989)
- 5 are people from church
I guess I'm upset because I always thought my husband was on my side and thought they (the people waiting for me to die) were full of crap, but then he wanted me to tell him what I wanted done with my body, as if he too expected me to die.
I think having "Friends" on Facebook gives people a false sense of security or popularity. Who'd really miss me if I were gone? Who'd give me a ride if my car wouldn't start? Who'd bring soup over if I were sick?
The convo b/t your hubby and you sounds like one me and my hubby would say to each other if we were being sarcastic. I think your hubby is just worried about you, especially since you said the last time you waited you had to have major surgery. It's always better to be on the safe side I think. More than likely it's probably just an ear infection but keep an eye on it!
ReplyDeleteAnd you know, it's really not about who would miss us when we're no longer on this earth. By that point we wouldn't really care b/c we'd be with the one person that really matters, and that's Jesus. As long as I have Jesus, I'll have all I'll ever need.
Hey there just to let you know I would miss you. Yes I just met you on here but you don't know how much it brightened my day, when you left the comment on my blog. That we weren't that far away from each other. If I lived close enough I would come & see you anytime. I'm on facebook to & have friends yeah some I have never met but I know the ones that really talk or leave me stuff care. If you want you can add me & just know that I will be your friend for real.
ReplyDeleteI know how it is too there probably is some people that can't wait til I die & I already have what I want ready. I know it sounds morbid but I don't want anyone comming to look at me that couldn't talk to me while I was on earth. I always told my Mom & my husband I wanted a closed casket.
Anyway thanx again for making my day. I would miss you & you can e-mail me anytime. croleyc69@yahoo.com , Hang in there & Take care & HUGS :)
Caroline