Maybe I'm just whacked out of my freaking mind

My husband tells me that all the time.

Yesterday I had jury duty orientation. It wasn't too bad but there was a lot of standing in line, and you'd walk three steps and then stand some more. My back really hurt and I was wishing I had brought my walking stick (cane, it's purple).

Then I picked up some fruit from the store and went to Chick Lit at church (like a women's book club luncheon thing). A lady gave a talk about her heart transplant this time so it wasn't on a book. I had told my ex-friend J that I wouldn't mind seeing her at this thing, so the luncheon started and she wasn't there, and I thought I got stood up, like she didn't want to try to mend anything with me (really upsetting). But no, she was late because she thought I was less important than going by the counselor's office to drop off some papers for him and chatting with him for a bit FIRST. Wow, so you haven't seen someone for four months (who you're in deep crap with ALREADY) and you'd rather talk to someone you just saw last week at a session? And (wait for it!!) she isn't sorry. Nope, I was very angry and I even told her I was angry and I was trying not to yell at her, but I told her my true feelings, that I didn't feel very important to her. And she just brushed me off and told me there was nothing she could do about how I feel. I was also annoyed that she told me in a bragging way that the counselor asked HER to help him. So I figure maybe if there weren't other people around to compete with me (because they would get her attention over me), maybe we would get along better. But that's a catch-22 because when it's just me and J, she acts superior about everything I share (and she barely shares anything) and she constantly told me she doesn't sin so she doesn't understand my pain. What a mess, but I drove home yesterday thinking there's something wrong with ME. Why can't I just brush it off when people think I'm less important?