Less than a month to go

I feel really nervous and scared already about January 15.  It's kind of affecting the rest of my life right now and I wish I could just stay home all the time.  But on the good side of things ...

I went alone to the Baptist church's Christmas program Friday.  It didn't start till 7 so of course I had to drive in the dark, and I'm all praying "please help me, please help me," all the way there and so scared and nervous about getting in an accident or getting lost.  Once I got in the parking lot safely, I was going "Oh, thank you, thank you!" and I actually started laughing because then I prayed for help finding a parking space, LOL.

I've joined another bible study, started a couple months ago.  There are about 10 of us.  We're supposed to meet every other week, but we only met once in November and now once in December, and now we're not meeting till January 20 (all because of the holidays).  I wasn't very happy when they decided on this other long break.  It's really hard to share things in the study and then have them say bye and see you in five weeks, like it doesn't matter that they threw me off a cliff with my feelings.  Anyway, Tuesday the leader invited me and a couple of the other women to her house this coming Tuesday for "tea."  Wednesday when I was praying and getting prepared to do my usual Bible time, I was praying/crying because I felt like nobody from the group really cared that I'm pretty much a hermit and don't get to talk to people very often on a casual basis, and then the phone rang while I was reading and it was one of the ladies from the group just wanting to say hi!  How's that for quick answered prayers.  It was just what I needed.

Tonight (now last night) I went to Village Inn with my roommate from Rachel's Vineyard.  She gave me a present, a book called The Four Agreements.  One of the counselors from the retreat came for a little bit and had some coffee.  We're supposed to have another luncheon next month of all the past R.V. retreat attendees (who want to come).  Except it's gonna be on January 15th.  I know maybe it was planned by God to be on that specific day for a reason.  Yeah, the reason to stay home!  I don't know, I'm worried I won't feel well mentally like usual.  I thought about scheduling a session with my therapist the day before and maybe seeing if he wanted to watch me release a balloon, but I'm even nervous about that.