Six Word Saturday (8/24/13)

Even Less Going On This Week

My daughter's friend was moving to Hawaii so she wasn't going to school yet, so my daughter had her stay overnight here on Monday and skipped school Tuesday to be with her for most of the day before she had to say goodbye.  It was hard for me too but I was praying that it wouldn't devastate me, and God helped me.  Anyway, once my son got wind that his sister was staying home from school, it was "only fair" that he got to too.  Since he had stayed up half the night playing video games, he slept pretty much all day!  My husband had a meeting for his part-time teaching job since it was the beginning of their school year and Roberto's catered it!  So I was really hungry for Mexican food so me and the kids had Taco Bell.

I had a bad dream Sunday night and it was one of those dreams where it's something that actually happened but you forget about it till you dream it, and then you say, "Oh yeah, that happened."  Except what I dreamed was scary.  When I was on that date with Ron back in 1984 and we were in the car after it was over, I was trying to get dressed and he was already driving.  It felt like he was speeding and swerving because I kept toppling over in my seat and hitting my head against the passenger door.  I was screaming, "Wait!  Wait!" because I wanted to get dressed, and instead of pulling over he just pushed a cassette in the tape deck and cranked it unbelievably uncomfortably loud.  I couldn't even hear myself screaming or crying anymore.  Then I woke up.  That really happened.  I told my therapist about it Wednesday.

It's funny (odd) that you can go through days without thinking about it at all, and it almost feels like you forget, and then something happens that puts you at least in that mindset.  For me it was watching Northpoint church online.  Andy Stanley was talking about sin and how most people nowadays downplay it as "I made a mistake" which doesn't really own up to it and also doesn't reconcile you with the person you sinned against.  A few years ago I was trying to talk about my abortion with my mom (which you have to do this big dance because you aren't really allowed to talk about it) and I mentioned that when we drove through Rockford on the way to Wisconsin Dells for vacation that I couldn't even put my head up.  I told her I physically couldn't do it because I was petrified I was going to see the clinic out the window.  So my mom dismissively and hurriedly said, "I made a mistake."  (You know, I'm assuming she meant it was a mistake to not get a second opinion about my baby, it was a mistake that she kept seeing signs it was the right thing to do, it was a mistake scaring the hell out of me that I was going to die and now I have three children and it's obvious everyone was lying to me).  Andy Stanley's right - it doesn't make me feel any better that she can "admit" that.  So actually I'm not surprised at all that I had a bad dream.  

The thing that kept me miserable about it was that on Wednesday I got a LinkedIn invitation from the Bible study leader (the study I got kicked out of).  It upset me because none of them have spoken to me since November since they're all a bunch of self-righteous snobs who still judge me.  I was sitting there thinking I'm SO GLAD I never told them about Claudia.  They can hate me for yelling at them but I don't want them to hate me because of her.  So it set me off again hearing from that lady.