Six Word Saturday (1/19/13)

28 Years and I'm Doing Okay

Sunday I went to a Catholic church with one of the girls from the Saturday get-together.  I liked it and felt really calm.  (When I talked to my counselor about it later in the week, I was actually happy about going.  It used to really bother me that my ex-Sunday school teacher and the directors of the place I volunteered at and other hard-nosed Baptists would hate me for stupid things like being divorced or not being baptized, stuff that happened before they met me).  But knowing their criticism about Catholics, NOW I feel like they have a GOOD reason to hate me and I feel a lot better, like I don't have to try to get them to like me anymore.

I had hoped I could see my counselor on Tuesday (Claudia's day) but he couldn't fit me in.  I spent the majority of the day reading a book called Replay.  It's what the movie Groundhog Day was loosely based on.  You know the part of the movie where he kept trying different things (every time he had a "new" same day) to keep that homeless man alive, and the guy dies every time anyway?  The man in this book also tries to alter history too (specifically JFK assassination) and no matter what he does, it still happens.

For a long time I was obsessed with the Back to the Future movies because I'd want to go back to 1985 in a time machine and do things differently.  But now I know I would've been the same pushover 17-year-old so I would've made the same mistakes, just to please other people.  BUT after only reading half of this book, I can also now see that maybe if I did have the strength to resist everything and be furious and violent ... it's possible I would've gotten overpowered even more by people, even physically forced, and the abortion would have happened anyway, no matter what I did.

At any rate, a few minutes after midnight right when it became the 15th I went on Facebook and posted the video for "Livin' Thing" by ELO.  (There's a big debate whether the song's about abortion.)  I guess I was being passive-aggressive and hoping my parents/sister would know what the song meant and why I just happened to post it on that day and would think "oh-my-goodness we're not getting away with pretending it never happened after all."