Relief and a concert

Color me surprised but my counselor actually didn't seem disappointed that I didn't go to the shower and seemed to really understand why I didn't. I was relieved. I'm going to share something he said in the hope it might help someone else. He said I could have talked to the baby's mother (who the shower was for) in advance to tell her how I was feeling, how uncomfortable and jealous and nervous I was. He said just me knowing that someone would then be aware of my feelings would prevent any outbursts or crying that I was scared I would have done there. He said people can't tell on the outside what you're feeling on the inside, so if they don't respond in kindness (which is what I would want if I was crying) it's because they just didn't know that I'm hurting.

My husband took the day off today and I was talking to him about all this when I got home, and he said something kind of neat. He said that deep inside I am a 5'10" leggy blonde who's very friendly even though my outside is freakish and worries what people think. He also said if I were a 5'10" leggy blonde on the outside, I wouldn't have given him the time of day, so he appreciates me the way I am.

Tonight (Wed.) we went to the Jeff Dunham concert. Most of his stuff that I've seen on Youtube is pretty funny, especially Achmed.



But unfortunately Jeff cursed a lot (it's bleeped out of the videos I've seen) and there were several adult jokes and themes (thankfully my kids didn't "get" it), but nonetheless it was kind of disappointing. In a way I'm happy to see that God has been working on my heart (and mind) since I wasn't amused by the language and crassness. Adrian Rogers said, "God doesn't modify our behavior in order to change us. He changes us in order to modify our behavior." People think that Christians don't "get to" do anything fun (a/k/a sinful), but lately I've been noticing (like tonight) that once God starts pouring you into that Jesus-shaped mold of His, you don't even "want to" sin. (So cool, God...)